Anthropomorphic 

Grey Cat 

Character Portrait

Zofia Squits

Ever since the day Anthroxville was elbow-dropped into existence, there has been a problem. Many problems in fact, but none more so than "The Problem”. This particular problem is so problematic, that rather than facing it down head-on (in what would surely be the dust-up of the century), there has been a collective effort amongst all in Anthroxville to simply try to ignore it as best they can in the hope against all hopes that it eventually resolves itself. How exactly? Nobody could say, but this was deemed the best course of action given the severity of what they were dealing with here. Even the eulogized head-bashers John Knuckle and Victor Wallop, famed for their insatiable hankering for a spicy confrontation didn't fancy it. Neither did the readily combative Kiki Gobflap and her more-than-a-punch-packing sink-plunger. Rather than some epoch-defining showdown for the ages, a dubious coexistence was the best everybody could hope for. “Granted, things are bad, beyond bad—diabolical in fact,” as the usually rambunctious Roy Bibbowski put it, during a crammed-in citizen assembly on the matter, “but woe betides how much worse they could be.”

In a rare show of unanimity, all (excluding the anthropomorphic grey cat, Zofia Squits) were in agreement, and so it was that every aspect of their lives has since come to revolve around attempting to avoid "The Problem” at all costs – including even the word itself, which has become strictly substituted for the more euphemistic and palatable “you-know-what”, “that-which-cannot-be-addressed”, and “the-mother-of-all-loads”. The term “problemo” has also reared its unruly head, and has since come to be widely used in common parlance when referring to any problem other than "The Problem” to avoid potential confusion. For example, the wet-brained wonder, Sid Blitzkrieg is often cited as having a not-so-insignificant drinking problemo; as are many other constituents at Erm Wotsischops’ pub, The Knotted Knacker, such as Axel Kettlebell, Marty Shuffle, and Orville Stonker. The infamous flat-earth fundamentalist, Pat O'Plateau, has gone to great lengths to express just what kind of problemo he has with any and all globalists in Anthroxville, particularly Johann Underbelly; Oskar Knullrufs and Bella Imbroglio have their ongoing problemos; Dr. Ralph Whiplash often finds himself having the difficult task of informing patients that there was an unexpected problemo during supposedly routine surgeries; and Fabia Dinkplop’s inventions are notorious for creating more problemos than they solve.

As Zofia, had suspected, this proved to be a clownishly ineffective solution to "The Problem", and it continued to wreak havoc throughout Anthroxville unabated. It was almost certainly aware of its newly designated protected status, which appeared to only embolden it further, achieving the previously thought impossible and making things even worse than before. "Betided by woe, and you?" soon became a common response to anybody asking how one was doing. No further elaboration was needed. Many had difficulty remembering how preferably diabolical things were in the previous months or even days in comparison, and they were consumed with worry about how much worse things could still yet get. After more than a few close shaves herself, and having seen a number of friends and loved ones succumb to it, the anthro grey cat found herself placed in the thankless position of being the first in Anthroxville to take a stand in calling for a different approach. Something had to give. However, a new law proposed by the vibe-conscious Vanessa Trifle, banning any negative mention, diagnosis, or description of "The Problem", including the word itself outside of its euphemistic form, was quickly passed by President Clint Bigot, which made discussing it in any practical and pragmatic way virtually impossible.

Another major problemo she faced was that more-or-less everybody in Anthroxville was responsible for playing their part in its creation in some way or other, and thus most felt a certain level of guilt about the whole thing; a guilt which was only outmatched by their level of woe. "That-which-cannot-be-addressed just really isn't the mother-of-all-loads," they would lie, on the rare occasions they spoke on matters of the you-know-what, "and even if it was – not that I'm saying it is, but hypothetically, there would certainly be some justified explanation why." To get around the potential legal ramifications of mentioning the issue in any critical manner, Zofia simply started approaching people in public and say: "You know what? You-know-what," while carefully watching their reactions in order to determine whether they...