Anthropomorphic 

Irish Bulldog

Character Portrait

Pat O'Plateau

Roaming the streets of Anthroxville on a chugging steamroller in search of globalist elites to pancake, is the anthropomorphic Irish bulldog, Pat O’Plateau. He is widely considered Anthroxville’s resident fundamentalist, and whilst many naturally object to the ever-present threat of being splattered en route to the shops (say for example, Kerubo Soleil's Manifescents, or one of Mario Miff's many Miff Inconvenience Stores), they are curiously protective about his rampaging ways, avowing that he may be a swivel-eyed terrorist, but he’s their swivel-eyed terrorist. A true home-grown, red-blooded, Anthroxville-certified, rapscallion. He is simply playing his part in keeping things exciting; someone who follows through with his word with the courage of his convictions. For some thrill-seeking infidels, such as Wilbur Peppercorn, Mitzi Midriff, Clém de la Crème, Fabia Dinkplop, and Oskar Knullrufs, it has turned into a game of sorts, wherein they seek out O’Plateau and his crusading steamroller, goad him to cranking after them with a few heretical insults and flashes of the middle-finger, and see who has the plums to hold off running away the longest.

One time, near Anthroxville's Trous de Gloire cenotaph, a particularly daring Sid Blitzkrieg held a plank position in the direct pathway of Pat, as the churning drum came grunting within millimeters of chewing him up, before, with breathtaking aplomb, somehow keeping his nerve and flipping out of its way only in the very last moment, resulting in a captivated group of close-standing spectators to get schnitzeled instead. Soon after this feat, others were inspired to attempt the same challenge (now known as Sidkrieging), but with much less success. Reports, however, later surfaced that at the time of the death-or-glory stunt, Sid had just, to the astonishment of the usually unperturbed publican Erm Wotsischops, seen off a record 42 consecutive pints of Face-Pegger lager (alongside 27 Mithridates 99% proof chasers, 12 and a half Zugzwangler digestifs, and 4 wheelbarrow's worth of Jackson Jiffy's Sheela na gig super-skunk) at his local watering hole, The Knotted Knacker; and wasn’t even aware of what century it was – let alone the magnitude of the undertaking he had just pulled off in his close shave with the anthro Irish bulldog and his inbound steamroller. He had other, more metaphysical priorities to be concerning himself with. Still, the legend lives on, and there is a permanent forensic-styled body outline of the exact point where Sid had burpingly faceplanted down into the Sidkrieg that day, commemorating the accomplishment.

O'Plateau rose to prominence during what became known as the Underbelly Fiasco, in which he took the unprecedented step of declaring a flatwa (an open call to splat on sight) on the pagan astrophysicist, Johann Underbelly, for so brazenly insulting flat-earthers and blaspheming against all notion of basic evidence and reason. Having developed a widespread reputation for being a devout seeker of truth, Pat had hoped to find a valuable ally in Johann – he could be their guy on the inside, the fifth columnist they so desperately needed to help turn the tide in their favor; however, that was far from the case, for on his office desk, serving as some repulsive insult, was a miniature earth globe. This betrayal bordered on apostasy in Pat's estimation; worst than just a non-believer, Johann was far more unspeakable: a double-crossing globo in an empiricist's clothing.

Other flat-earthers took up the call the arms, and within minutes, an armada of clacking steamrollers were snarling up and down Anthroxville in search of Johann, who had given Pat the slip just after the anthro Irish bulldog had tried to steamroll him at the university where he (and Pat, for a short while) worked. While Johann has since, so far proven irritatingly elusive, O'Plateau gives it just days until they finally get their heathen (earth willing). Many members of the public came out in support of the pagan, with their Je suis Underbelly campaign, however, they proved little resistance to the ongoing flatwa, and were promptly mowed down and splattered by a passing fleet of flat-earthers. Some other members, such as Mia Culpa, Calvin Donnybrook, and Mungo Mugwort, have devised elaborate ploys and stratagems to lure Johann out from hiding, however, as of yet, he seems to have the edge on them, for he is no doubt being aided by the powers that be, who want to keep...