Anthropomorphic 

Furry Bear 

Character Portrait

Larry Mooch

You can tell a lot about a scuzzbag by the way they approach the time-honored custom of the bribe. Whether you catch them red-handed in the act, kick down their door with an arrest warrant and 50 wheelbarrow’s worth of evidence, or simply have a very strong inkling that it was they who diddled the law on such and such an occasion, what it all really comes down to is how many big ones they’re willing to fist over in order to make it all go away. Cash or conviction, the anthropomorphic furry bear, Lieutenant Larry Mooch likes to keep things simple: the choice is theirs. As he makes sure to remind them as he snaps on the cuffs, "...Anything you say or don't pay can and will be used against you..." 

Having come about way back when, after an initiative for a more inclusive police force gained momentum, the top-brass started rounding up every rogue and roughneck they could find off the street, pinning a badge on them, and releasing them back into the wild to let them have at it. Before long, the bribe became a defining feature of the force's modus operandi, and while it appears to have only served to send the rates of lawlessness in Anthroxville barrelling off the charts and onwards to the moon, it has nevertheless become sacrosanct. "Let the pay-offs be paid though the heavens may fall," as they pledge each morning in a huddle before hitting the beat. Despite this, some renegades, who spurned the badge and remained on the other side of the law (and forever hence a sworn foe, or colloquially: a scuzzbag), would challenge this system, haggling over the going rate, boldly rejecting offers, or, at their most audacious, feigning ignorance about this game of graft.

As a long-timer in the Anthroxville Police Department (APD), Lieutenant Larry Mooch, has seen it all. He is better versed in the murky dealings of the shake-down business than most in Anthroxville. Show him a palm and he’ll show you something in need of a greasing. Otherwise known as the Bribe-O, Bung-officers, and the Backhanders in blue, the police are tasked with responding to, collecting evidence on, and eventually extracting bribes from suspected scuzzbags. Some are payable on the spot, such as your everyday hit and runs (courtesy of the likes of Kingsley Throttle), your routine breaking and enterings (Orville Stonker), and your run-of-the-mill possessions with the intent to supply (Jackson Jiffy and Gilbert Jitterbug); whereas others require months of investigating before the juicing can commence, as with the ongoing situation with the ever-elusive, Calvin Donnybrook. The better the case you have against a scuzzer, the better the bribe, lest they want to take their chances in court and the potential of an extended stay behind bars. Such as was the case with a certain Axel Kettlebell, after he was caught raiding Kerubo Soleil's Manifescents Perfumery (presumably inspired by Victor Wallop), and decided to make a stand by refusing to fork over whatever bundle was requested to make the officer on the scene look the other way.

Everybody looks like a scuzzbag these days. If you're not on the force, you're one of them. Larry has often pondered the possible reasoning as to why they are never quite able to grasp the fact that by accepting a bribe, the bung-officer is doing them a favor. Always making things as difficult as possible. Thats scuzzo logic for you. This is compounded by the fact that explicitly soliciting a backhander is strictly forbidden. You can't just come out with “So, how much you gonna cough up?” Instead, you had to dance around the subject, leaning heavily on veiled phrases and wink-nudge language. For example: “Gotta cream one’s donut, so to speak,” and ”Jam one’s clam, if you catch my drift,” or “Jingle one’s jangle, as it were.” The furry bear has always wondered why it was that Sheriff Bobby Lockjaw seemed so...