Anthropomorphic 

Scottish Terrier 

Character Portrait

Jasper Skint

It’s often been wondered what the anthropomorphic Scottish terrier, Jasper Skint, could achieve if he wasn’t so busy naffing about, but naffing about is simply what he does best. "Count me in," he’ll lie, whenever invited to any occasion, event, or engagement which would interfere with his plans for a potential naff. It’s a full-time commitment, separate from hanging loose, taking it easy, or goofing off, and many have postulated in vain as to exactly what he actually does when he’s not busy in this esoteric state of heedless existence. The answer: not a whole lot really, so he usually returns to naffing about. His talent for this peculiar form of idleness is unmatched, as he effortlessly navigates through life, avoiding any semblance of productivity. 

For Jasper, naffing about is not just a pastime but an existence, an unburdened plane devoid of aspirations or curiosities. He operates in a realm where higher cognition is superfluous, and motivation extends only to maintaining his current state of inert bliss. Sometimes, he might follow his nose on some whimsical errand, and at other times, he merely blinks vacantly into the void, a buffoon entranced by nothingness. There’s no energy expenditure more efficient than this blank-eyed autopilot, and therein lies its brilliance: an objective void of objective, a continuation for the sake of it. This ineffable state allows him to float through life without the slightest concern for purpose or direction, fully immersed in the art of doing nothing. Jasper's days are a seamless blend of minor distractions and profound idleness, each moment a testament to his commitment to an existence free from the shackles of any kind of meaningful endeavor.

From the outside, it is impossible to even attempt to fully comprehend the quiddity of this mindset. Life-long naffers such as Jasper have an entirely different concept of time than everybody else. Now, regular time-beholden folk are at the constant mercy of time's inviolable laws: it exists outside of them, objective, unyielding, and one-dimensional. Time is measured along a single axis, and they must abide by the sweep of its linear principles: seconds, hours, minutes, days, weeks, and years. It imposes an enforced regimen among all yoked to its beck and call in its master-minion relationship. Punctual or otherwise, the clock is always ticking. Meanwhile, the naffer comprehends time differently. To them, it is more of an abstract phenomenon than an absolute continuum. More elastic and subjective. Time is answerable to them: they influence its course, determining its rhythm and shape; rather than the other way around. This gets them off the hook, and they are free to naff as they please. Arrangements, deadlines, and obligations exist only conceptually, as do schedules, tasks, and fixtures; which they may or may not actualize into being. Usually, they don't – already predisposed with other stuff. In their perspective, an event will not take place when it is supposed to, but rather, when, or even, if, they ever choose to show up.

Some have mistaken this state of lacking any apparent purpose or sense for that of the flâneur: either deep in detached ponderance of Anthroxville in all its inglory, or aimlessly imbibing his surroundings as he naffs about all over the place. Other keen observers of his curious behavior believe him to have achieved the highest state of what cult leader, Gwylim Soulqueef preaches as enlightened Mindlessness. However, the anthro Scottish terrier doesn’t need to spend a lifetime incantating the koan of "Meh" to achieve such glorious heights of absent-minded bliss, which once nearly caused long-time disciples, Effie Lollygag and Patience Bibble-Rose, to actually establish a...