Anthropomorphic 

Tiger Character

Portrait

Hercule von Hooter

“Beggars belief,” the anthropomorphic tiger, Hercule von Hooter, can be heard regularly muttering through gritted teeth from various rooftops in Anthroxville, including such venerated institutions as Bernard Banjax's Bernard Bankrolls and Banjax Bail Bonds, Edison Upskirt’s Upskirt Nosher eatery, and Victor Wallop’s Wallop Solutions loan and debt collection services, as he squints through a pair of binoculars at what has become the obsession of his life: the river Ting-Fam. Despite the regular calls from hecklers down at street level to stop pussyfooting about and finally jump, Hercule has so far proven stronger-willed than many had pegged him for, and managed to resist the temptation.

Initially, when the sheer absurdity of the situation he faces was only just setting in, he would take to letting out a compilation of his now famous obscenity-ridden roars; however, he has recently found himself all roared out. Even if he could summon the will, what would be the point? Roaring does little to change the fact that he is marooned on the absolute wrong side of the river, all thanks to freebooting chicanery of some doped-up sociopath of a pirate, Roy Bibbowski; who has somehow managed to nab complete dominion of the Ting-Fam; resulting in Hercule being trapped in the east inflamed-rectum of Anthroxville. “It’s just…beggars belief.”

For reasons the anthro tiger has yet been able to fully wrap his mind around, Roy and his steamboat, Palm-to-Palm, have continued to successfully see to it that there are no bridges or other boats with which to cross over the river, so that the only option available to Hercule is to again attempt a hurtling white-knuckle death-or-glory jump across the Ting-Fam in some souped-up motor, utilizing one of the purpose-built ramps set along the river bank for those daring and desperate enough.

However, after many bungled attempts which have seen him plunging down into the water below (not even clearing halfway across the river) it is apparent to Hercule that this mode of crossing is simply not possible. He just hasn't got what it takes. Kingsley Throttle maybe, but not him. One time, he even suffered a mid-air collision with Norie Bluffbork, who was attempting the same feat from the other side. Having been thrown overboard by Roy and blacklisted for life after committing the cardinal sin of making a disparaging remark about the sport of arm-wrestling whilst crossing aboard the Palm-to-Palm, there is simply no way for him to get across and back home to the westside.

Every covert effort Hercule has made, from snorkeling across, to ziplining over, has been foiled and thwarted by that demented pirate, who seems to always be one step ahead of him at every turn. At one point, Hercule had even tried to curry favor with him, and make amends for his previous comment by entering the arm-wrestling championship at Erm Wotsischops' hell in a handbasket of a pub, The Knotted Knacker; but got dumped out in the first round by a washed-out and wasted Sid Blitzkrieg. As it turned out, Hercule's limp-wristed buffoonery was perceived by Roy (who was crowned champion, smashing Axel Kettlebell in the final) to be an even greater insult to the sport than his previous comment.

So, out of ideas, the anthro tiger has turned to simply fantasizing about returning to the west, where he had lived in relative contentment, rubbing shoulders with the likes of the haughty high-class heiress, Tiffany Taradiddle, the grandiloquent madam of taste and refinement, Gloria Widdershins, and the cultivated purveyor of current affairs, Felix Finicky-Snout. In comparison, these eastern entrails, such as the homeless halfwit, Marty Shuffle, the anti-natalist aberration, Agatha Collop, and the conspiracy crackpot, Calvin Donnybrook, with whom Hercule now finds himself newly acquainted...